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 Saturday July 13   

The Fundamentals of Golf

(A look at the lighter side ;)

  • Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

  • It's not a gimme if you're still away.

  • A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.

  • Hazards attract; fairways repel.

  • When you look up early, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

  • A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

  • If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball will be the one in the bunker,
    if both balls are in the bunker, yours will be the one in the footprint.

  • Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

  • Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your downswing.

  • There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands;
    1. how many hands you have
    2. which one is wearing the glove

  • There are two kinds of bounces;
    1. unfair bounces
    2. bounces just the way you meant to play it

  • When your shot has to carry over a water hazard you can either hit;
    1. one more club
    2. two more balls

  • If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options;
    1. immediately shank a lay-up
    2. wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there

  • The less skilled the player, the more likely they are to share their ideas about the golf swing.

  • If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

  • Everyone replaces their divot after a perfect approach shot.

  • It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt .. for a 10.

  • Counting on your opponent to inform you when they break a rule is like expecting them to make fun of their own haircut.

  • The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

  • You can hit;
    1. a two acre fairway 10% of the time
    2. a two inch branch 90% of the time

  • No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

  • If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

  • Every time a golfer makes a birdie, a golfer must subsequently make a triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

  • If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

  • You can put a draw on the ball, you can put a fade on the ball, but no golfer can put a straight on the ball.

  • It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.

  • Sometimes it seems as though your cup moveth over.

  • Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

  • A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

  • Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

  • A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are...that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

  • That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.

  • If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

  • Golf balls are like eggs;
    1. they're white
    2. they're sold by the dozen
    3. you need to buy fresh ones each week

  • A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything.

  • It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace their divots, repair their ball marks, and rake their sand traps.

  • If your opponent has trouble remembering whether they shot a six or a seven, they probably shot an eight (or worse).

  • The instant result of any golf lesson is the elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

  • When you're having a tough time on the course just remember, you probably wouldn't look good in a green jacket anyway!

Happy Golfing,
Southern Ontario Golfer

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